A dangerous pasttime

So many things are going on in my head these days! Here are just a few of the random thoughts, which I thought I'd combine into a blog post. (LONG, sorry)

Reality Check.
This morning we went to the park. It was before 10 am, which is a great time because we had the park to ourselves. However, this also caused me some anxiety. Where we live there are many homeless people who walk around town. I found out a few months ago that one of them (the guy who pushes his big cart full of stuff) is on the adult sex-offender registry. SCARY! Can you imagine how freaked out I get when, as a very pregnant woman, I am walking past him pushing my toddler? He seems harmless now, but it is still scary! Anyway, while we were there this particular man was going through the garbage cans around the park. I'm not sure if he was looking for food, or just seeing if any usable things had been thrown away. I felt sick in my heart. I felt sad. And to be honest, I was a little bit disturbed. Welcome to real life!

Brownies vs. Salad
Just a note: Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies taste WAY better than salad. I ate the brownie first. Now I have to choke down the salad (romaine, spinach, carrots, hard-boiled egg, and croutons, with Brianna's poppyseed dressing. Really a tasty salad, but not as tasty as the brownies.) I need to eat the whole thing before I can take a nap!

Small
You might think that being small when you are pregnant is a good thing. By small I mean small belly. I always thought I would get HUGE when pregnant since I am pretty petite in general. But apparently not. Don't tell pregnant women they are so small, because it just makes them worry that something is wrong with their baby. Yes, I have googled failure to thrive fetus this week. I think we're ok though. (And I know the biggest growth will come in the next 6-7 weeks! YIKES!)

Complaining
I love being pregnant. I really have no reason to complain. I know some women have very difficult pregnancies, and when your body is going through something so severe, it is hard not to complain. A few weeks ago DH told me we would adopt the rest of our kids, pregnancy wasn't worth it. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Do I complain without realizing it? Yes, I ask him to rub my back and feet, but honestly, a few months of minor aches is nothing compared to what I get in the end: A BABY! Can you believe how simple that is? I'm so blessed! I love it! So, if you are pregnant and feel like complaining, stop and think about the great thing that is coming, think about the women who would give anything to be pregnant, and take a warm bath. You'll feel better!

Childbirth
I've tried to be more judicious about posting my opinions about childbirth. I still have them, but I will only share them if you ask. But, I will share this: I am SO excited to give birth. It isn't just the end result of having a baby that thrills me, I CAN'T wait for the actual process of going into labor, going through early labor and active labor. Relaxing, focusing, reminding myself that the hard work is to get my baby here. I can't wait for transition when I feel like giving up and I can't do it anymore, and then doing the actual work of pushing to bring my baby here. I can't wait for the endorphins that will get me through it, the bonding, the nursing. And if there is a complication that requires interventions to save me or my baby, I can't wait to thank the competent medical team for saving us! (But I feel really good that it's going to work out well!) I also can't wait for Stuart to hold our little girl, and to see the look on his face. It's amazing to see that tender side of my husband! And I'm excited for Alana to meet her little sister. I'm convinced they were best friends in heaven, and will be able to continue that friendship once little sister gets here!

Parenting
My poor husband thinks we're the only one whose toddler has tantrums, screams her way through church, and has periods of general misery. I'm convinced that there are other parents out there going through similar things. Sometimes Satan tries to whisper in my ear that her tantrums are the result of my inadequacy as a parent. Sometimes I almost believe him. But then I pray for guidance, and so often the Spirit whispers reassurance, gives me tender moments of joy, and gives me patience to prevent me froming running out into the parking lot and screaming like a toddler in the throws of a tantrum.

And we also have moments of great joy where we see our little one for who she is as a daughter of God. We see her willingness to share with others (usually). We see her concern over her stuffed animals being "hungy" (She feeds them pretzels and shares her sippy cup, SO cute!) We see the joy she gets from jumping on our bed and singing "do as I'm doing" while trying to roll her arms. We see her concentration when she is trying to poor water from one cup to another without spilling. We see her excitement in playing with water on the floor that she spilled on purpose. Parenting can be great if you look for those moments every day!