Stuart & Crystal Part II: College and Mission

...continued fron Part I

The day before Stuart left on his mission, we spent all day together. I remember clearly that I really wanted to hold his hand while we were walking in down town Salt Lake City, and I wanted to give him a hug goodbye. I did not do either of those things because I was worried that he wouldn't be able to focus on serving the Lord if we had physical contact right before he left. After he dropped me off, I went inside and told my mom "I think I'm going to marry him." But I put that thought out of my head. I was about to graduate from high school and I only had 12 weeks before moving to Provo, Utah to start college at Brigham Young University.

Stuart and I wrote each other every week that he was in the MTC. I still have all of his letters. We really poured our hearts out to each other and became very close. In my journal during that time, I wrote about seeing Stuart's dad on the bus one day. Alan mentioned that they had only had one letter from Stuart, but I had received two!

I worked two jobs during the summer of 2002. In the mornings and afternoons I would work at the Church Office Building cafeteria in downtown Salt Lake city. In the evenings I would work a shift at McDonald's. From reading my journal I remember it being pretty exhausting (as if I knew what it was like to be tired at the age of 18!). But I was excited to pay for college all by myself (with the help of scholarships and grants).

My first day at BYU ocurred the day after my 19th birthday, and I received a letter from Stuart on my birthday. In my journal I recorded: "Stuart sent me the most amazing letter! To know how awesome Stuart's letter is, you must refer to it." We have always had a running joke that he doesn't know when my birthday is. He really does, he just likes to tease me because he knows it is important to me that he remembers. Here is a little snippet of his letter:

"So here's a little Birthday present for you: two sciptures on why you're so cool. 1st Alma 38:11-14, this is Alma's commandment to his son Shiblon. He's giving a commandement, but I'm not giving you one, I think you follow these guidlines very well anyway. I think this advice is just good characteristics in a person in general, everyone should have them. 2nd is D&C 121:41-46. This is originally for priesthood holders, but as a woma you can operate in branches of th epriesthood, so its good to know anyway. Anyway, the main point from me to you is the "reproving betimes w/sharpness, when moved upon by the HOly Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love..." I remember you gave this scripture to me all ready, but you follow it well, to me. You have corrected me before, but it never depressed me or made me feel bad because you did the "increase of love" thing that a lot of people don't do when they give constructive criticism. I need to work on that myself. Well those are just to scriptures on why you're cool, you can tell everyone someone thinks you follow these rules "perfectly," or at least really well; yet you follow a lot more scriptures really well to, if I were to write them all down it'd end up being the whole standard works (excpe the parts where bad things happen)."

I was so flattered by his words. And also a little humbled. Did I really give that much "constructive criticism?"

Another part of that letter that is important to the story of Stuart & Crystal reads as follows:

"Now for the tough part for me to explain. A few letters back you wrote how if you get married to someone else, I can still be happy with the Lord. True, but I ask you one thing: If you do start liking someone that much or lose any interest in me, write me and tell. I would hate to write to a girl I like and find out when I get home that she really never liked me and only wrote me to be nice or to not distract me for my mission. A lot of missionaries get letters from girls they liked that call everything quits, even the letter writing w/spiritual thoughts. The missionaries don't mind that, it's the fact that the girl didn't like them for a long time and never wrote about it while the missionary's writing all these letters to her thinking everything okay. Those missioanries say it helps them with their work to know what the girl is thinking now, so they don't have to guess with every letter. At any rate, do what you feel is best, you don't need to write me if you feel you're disobeying the Lord or if it makes me disobey. I'll still write you though, I promise at least every month."

When I first started college, things were difficult for me. Looking back, I probably had mild depression. I was tired all the time, discouraged about my abilities (or lack thereof, when it came to music) and I felt so lonely. However, I was always excited to get a new letter from Stuart. I remember talking my roommate, Emily, about Stuart, and she was so patient to listen to me. She reminded me that he could be the guy for me as long as someone else didn't come along to make me forget about Stuart. Sometimes I would walk around campus and something would remind me of something funny Stuart had said or done and I would just start laughing. People probably thought I was nuts!

My freshman year, our ward (church congregation) was made up of a building of upper-class men, a building of upper-class women, and my building of freshmen women. There were lots of older boys who had returned from their church missions and were "seeking wives." Some of them were a bit weird. But there was one boy that actually caught my eye. He had just returned from a two-year mission to Mexico, and he was our ward Sunday School President. He was a great teacher and I really liked him. We will call him James. (not his real name)

James and my roommate became good friends, and he would help us with our Spanish homework. Eventually, we started dating, but it was REALLY weird. SUPER weird. He never really pursued me, we just ended up talking and decided to "date." But things were weird. We were attracted to each other, but we couldn't carry on a conversation. He had ADHD that his mom tried to get me to "mother" him (I often felt more like his mom than his girlfriend) and get him to take his meds. He made it known that he didn't think I was the prettiest girl he'd seen (apparently he checked out other girls a lot.) James was (sadly!) my first kiss.

When James and I started dating, I knew I had to write to Stuart to tell him. Stuart had made me promise that if I got serious with anyone, I would tell him and not just suddenly send a wedding invitation. Even though I was ignoring all the signs that James was NOT the right guy for me, I still wrote to Stuart to tell him I had a boyfriend. Stuart stopped writing me. That was January 2003.

During the course of my relationship with "James" I had so many witnesses that I was actually in love with Stuart. There were many times that I would remember dinners with Stuart when I would catch him staring lovingly at me. James even told me that I had been in love with STuart, although I denied it.

By the summer of 2003 James and I were no longer dating (heartbreaking story, but really it was for the best!) and I wrote to Stuart again. We resumed writing each other, though less frequently. I was worried about distracting Stuart, and also worried that he wouldn't be interested in me. During my sophomore year at BYU, I went on a handful of dates with other guys. I developed a deep friendship with another guy from high school, but things fizzled once we both realized we would never be more than friends. There was even a guy I refer to as "weird Mark" in my journal. His sister had been in my parents' ward and she set us up. I think he went on our first date wanting to marry me, but I was more interested in dating someone for a long time, having a deep connection, and really getting to know my future spouse before getting married.

By March 2004, I was anxiously awaiting Stuart's return. I was trying not to get my hopes up, preparing to go on a church mission myself, and really just putting my trust in the Lord to guide my life. In re-reading my journal from that time of my life, I noticed that there was a lot of uncertainty. I mentioned Stuart in almost every entry, but I had no idea what would happen. We had been writing each other regularly, but in mid-May, six weeks had gone by without receiving a letter from him. I was getting so nervous and tried to convince myself that he would want nothing to do with me when he got home. I counted down the days to June 3 when he would return home.

Then, on June 4, 2004 my sister and Stuart's brother graduated from high school. I attended the graduation ceremony just bursting with hope that I would see Stuart. My journal records the event:

"I SAW him today!!!! I saw him at graduation and he gave me a hug!! Then I saw him after graduation and he talked with my family for a few minutes! He hasn't changed a bit, he is still the same hilarious, funny guy, he just likes even more to talk about God!"

Continued in Part III: courtship and engagement